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3. Bite down.
Bite down.
Bite down and swallow.
Swallow these words. My head is exploding but I have to swallow these words. Words that are loaded artillery. I’m pissed off. So what? Think pip.
“Think it through,” the ghost of dad is having to shout to be heard over my own Rant. And I must Rant. But I hoofed it out of the front line at work and refused to give any of those useless people one measly syllable – much less a Rant. So I walked. Miles. Boots are good for pissed off walking. The striking of the heal against pavement, a back beat for a confrontation – even if it is only heard by me and concrete. So you, reader. Are you one of these people who says more than you can count, “Wait just a minute. What did I do to deserve that reaction?”
Now either you are totally blameless and are just a doormat so you better stop letting people dump on you so you won’t drag everybody else you can grab with you on your way into hell. OR… You refuse to see your fingerprints at the scene of the confrontational crime – oh, but they are there. I have boot prints all over that fucking crime so I fucked off. I tried to reason with one of the inflamed combatants, the one I know better. And it was useless. Ridiculous. What a waste of life blood. They could only see what they want to see in order to justify their over-the-top-of-Kilimanjaro-reaction. Bu
“Beer?” A voice from the past. I’m still walking hard. I head for the park while sucking on a sour apple Dum-Dum. I stare into some man-made body of water they call a pond. A few years ago I was this worked-up over some other retched, needless conversation that didn’t have to happen. But then, I was hacking out a livid response on my laptop lover to some pathetic pustule who I no longer have communication with.
Dad sat on the arm of the chair, “Seems to me pips, you deserve an end to what looks like a very rough day. Beer?”
He passed me one. It stayed in mid-air for an undetermined amount of time. My hands were still in battle-stance on my laptop weapon but my head was pounding. “Fuck it.” I took the Becks, pushing my chair away from my computer station. He waited. I took a sip, letting it slide through my boiling blood.
“There you are,” he smiled raising his beer.
I tapped his can. “What is that supposed to mean?” I was irritable.
“You’re back from Anger Nebula 3982.”
“Well, I wasn’t alone there Dad, just in case you were wondering.”
“No, I know you weren’t alone there pips. Anger Nebula 3982 has a dense population and it gets more and more congested there everyday. Solid citizens who consider themselves on most days to be logical - now seem to immigrate there before they even realize that they are trapped behind the borders of Anger Nebula 3982 with no way out.”
“How Dad? How does a simple disagreement amongst, well, maybe not best friends - but people you would consider on the same team I guess, how does something so stupid become a battle of such intensity - slinging pistachio nuts all over Mom’s kitchen, screaming to yourself that you hate that fucking-cock-dick-motherfucker and would like to serve this useless piece of plasma to Sigourney Weaver’s favorite alien?”
“Have another sip pips. Have you ever considered becoming a maid for that super-model who seems to need Less Anger, More Smile in her life? If so, beware of flying phones.”
“Don’t make me laugh Dad, it will really piss me off.”
“You asked me a really important question pip and it deserves a well thought out response.”
“What did I ask you anyway? I forgot.”
“How does a simple disagreement turn into a ruthless battle.”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Well in order for a resolve to occur, one of the participants has to pull themselves out of Anger’s grip.”
“But I couldn’t stop Dad.”
“No. Anger can be extremely convincing. And when a person is convinced that they are justified in their outrage, then Anger’s seduction has only just begun.”
“Whoa. Heavy duty. She sounds pretty impossible to defeat – but I wonder if I…”
“She is. But only if you try to outfight her. In any fight she will consume those who believe they can flirt with Anger herself but soon they will become frenzied and out of control.”
“Bummer.”
“But you can use your wits you know pip. Wits are the best weapon in war. Don’t outfight her, outsmart her.”
“Outsmart her?”
By then I had finished my nice cold beer…
(To be continued…)
Oh, wow. Yes.
Good words to be told when you're so busy exhausting yourself fighting every battle that comes your way.
(Anonymous)
Anger
Ben started walking this month, and let me tell you things are getting pretty crazy around here! It's funny about anger--when Ben falls, which is quite often, he gets SO frustrated with himself. Sometimes he will scream his head off for several minutes, causing Mommy (me) to check him all over for an injury. Other times the frustration turns into complete and pure indignation towards gravity. The gift not to overlook miss Pip is that he always gets up to give walking another go....he will not let the unfairness of gravity force him to take a seat. He also has squishy, chubby cheeks to "boot"!!! ha!
If anyone ever tries to harm my Children I will be forced to explore real anger. Let's not go there tonight....
Any form of excersize is excellent for managing anger. Thigh-high leather heels included! By the way, I loved the way you spelled heal instead of heel when you so eloquently described your angry walk!
I think wits are excellent annhilators of anger. Intelligence plus humor..and don't forget the music!!!!!!
I love you, Ellen
Re: Anger
blessings!
Finals
(Anonymous)
sweet. someone needs to drop a reference to a certain celebutante who needs to serve her DUI time too. Of course, if she takes a lesson from Pip's dad, she'll keep her wits about her and outsmart the big bad judge by appealing to Arnie.
haulliefree
Love, Haullie
(Anonymous)
Yah, kinda like how the Left feels about protecting America by NOT fighting terrorists, & George W. Bush.
I never seen it this way before! But I think your dad is completely right here! What happens when Anger seduces us? I think one of things it can do is make wars happen...
*ahem*
(learnt that the hard way when I was too pissed to catch a taxi...that walk home=not fun)
Sometimes, you know when you realise that you're not really that angry, but its this chemical change sortof happening in your brain, you never meant to feel that way. But you have to ride it out.
Sometimes, you've just got to ride it out.
Peace, Pips.
-Matt
bluevanities
bluevanities
It's so much better than actually ranting at the person who caused the anger in the first place, because that just makes the situation worse and you can never go back.
when you think your right
I've a condo on Anger Nebula 3982
It's on the outskirts of Passive Aggressia a small bedroom community just south of the village Liminal Populi. There's a pattisserie there that makes THE best stroodle--but don't tell anyone I said that, it's a secret.
I find that if I know I've got vacation coming up that I don't often visit my little condo in Anger Nebula 3982. But it's always nice once in a while for a deserved departure.
Especially for the stoodle--again, mums the word.
xo
(Anonymous)
joe
(Anonymous)
works for me.. there are too few of us out there.. and yet, there are many sides to a person's soul. easier to give one lip service and forget the others. but you know that deep down don't ya? Well, no matter what your other sides tell ya, keep those pistols cocked. just in case.
you become enraged it's pure nonsense
yeah but I'd rather have anger Anger emotion
turmoil tormented
do we have to be at peace & half-live,half burried?
(...)breatless on the shore before the storm
I'd like to show you how beautiful , how beautiful my feelings are
It's not easy to be wise lungs full of rage
(...)
and always and even now I stamp my feet when my heart bleeds
before the storm
(lyrics by Da silva,a wonderful honest and passionate french song writer,musician and singer)
I can relate to this Passionate temper so well...It's so difficult to tame Anger...
I've always felt it was a gift,a way to ask my phoenix back to take my place, to not let them tread on me and my frailties...
I miss a friend like you in my life right now Pip!
we would have a hangover, talking about all the carnage of the politics in the world...here French people have elected Sarko Pip, can you believe it?
surely not a friend of you and not just because he shook hand with mad kind George
but because he won't allow gay marriage
he wants to create an identity ministry, does that sound a bit weird to your ears?
oh and he wants to changed secularism in the state...
oh and he doesn't mind OGM fields, so we're gonna eat safe food for sure ^___^
so yes we've had 7 years of right politics, then 5 more years because we didn t have the choice...it was this or worse Fascism, patriotism you know...no my cup of tea...
and now how cool another 5 years of less and less public service,more people thrown to the bin,because big companies fire peoples, more money less employee, that's how it works...
I feel so sad for my country but where to go?
Is England better?
Is America better?
I fear there is no safe place on Earth...well maybe a buddhist/hidu temple in Nepal? come with me? ;)
Blessed be, hope you're feeling better.
(Anonymous)
GO PIP!!!!!!!!!
mkgtweety
Re: GO PIP!!!!!!!!!
(Anonymous)
It's good
Dear Pip, hope that cold beer worked for you and forget the anger... it's not worth your energy ;)
Love, Indra
As a behavioral health worker (four years now), and licensed bach of social work, I've learned that Anger is what motivates a lot of poeple. Anger motivates me. If someone says I can't do something, I become Angry.
But there are some who use that Anger negatively and destructively (um...George W, the whole Bush family?). There are some that use it positively and to help others. Depression is defined as Anger turned inward. I've been battling the Anger turned inward for six years.
Some days I'm great. Some days, I'm not. But, I'm using that Anger in the positive, helpful manner. I do everything I do to show others that I am capable of doing what they say I can't. I help others who are sick with worse mental illnesses to learn independence from a mental health system that is a joke. And it's a mental health system that keeps the mentally ill dependent upon that system, because it's so poorly managed by a for profit insurance company. One that's contracted by the county I live in.
Maybe my words are nothing more than ranting...raving...whatever one wants to call it. Maybe they don't make sense.
In any way, it's better to rant than to keep the Anger turned inward. Who cares if some people get pissed off in the process...maybe they just don't understand, or are too busy wallowing around in their own Anger turned inward.
Yeah, as a matter of fact. That sums up pretty much the past six months for me.
Very very true about anger.
Looking forward to reading more :)
dear pip,
or seeing others doormat around me and wanting to do something about it. usually i wait though, trusting that a good time will come to bring it up and make some moves. :/
and ps this is the first time ive looked at LJ for awhile and it was nice to see this entry on the friends page.
(Anonymous)
missed you.
i see alot of u in me.
as u i, im sure.
i really miss tori, though we never became alone friends... (always surrounded but lovely and dunc taught me how to keep my head up, through scary times. tori was the light of gold at the end of my tunnel. any dark would of fled from us)
im in OKLAHOMA out of all fucking places.
but not for long, as i have abandoned the curse and will not get stuck here...
austin calls.
sally is like santa and clyde put together... i think she would be intimidated by tori because of tori's beauty and thats just plain stupid... though i have been intimidated by the womans lip gloss... who am i to type)
digital ghost... i hear you alot in there. and see me asleep and inside it.
teenage hustling.. i hope she didnt ever see me "comin round" as a threat.
a hijacked suitcase.
i rememeber wanting to tell T i only wanted out of there...
and that every night on stage,
i backed her up, in ever way spiritually.
how fallen i was.
and from my own arm... i tumbled myself,
out of control.
sex is a white boys heroin.
dont ever think it only whiskey....
but monthly, it was odd because my penis wanted to become purple and lose myself to strangers only on certain time phrames...
and then i would "clean up"
and search the area for finger prints.
im sorry if my purple penis offends ur eyes.
but im sure ur used to boys offending you.
BOYS.
body.
where does a girl come along?
boys... body.... girl???
i think alot of boys hold too many secrets.
they tell me though and i dont ever give face... but ya, a boy spends an hour with me and i got him spewing shit a girl would never drag out...
in 2 or 3 years.
tops.
my father too made the world of BOYS for me.
he never raped me but always told me what it was to have been raped like by the vietnam war.
my mom stopped him from talking about it.
it gave him flash-backs...
and hurt the kitten.
i told T about this on my birthday...
september 11th. california....
jesus, what was it???
almost THREE years ago.
crazy stupid, i dont want to be out of the loop of T for 3 freakin years.
dunc can dunk all he wants in isolation but goddamn, pip...
he's stupid to not see what this woman has done.
for him.
for me.
for you.
i send u love from a gold mine...
meet me in austin?
i promise to show there...
and san francisco's show
and NY.... a must.
the three sisters..
and us.
i miss you.
wish u would call....
x
jupiter glows.
(Anonymous)
if ur eyes see too many.....
joshua.
x
oklahoma, soon to be austin....
(Anonymous)
From Cali (Kali?)
(Anonymous)
Anger is a black hole
I think sometimes it is necessary to let Anger, Passion, or Devastation grip you in order to really FEEL; feel like we are supposed to feel without all the distractions. We must be careful however, these seductresses don't like to let go, and just a taste of our attention is like the blood thirt of the Crocodile that ate Captain Hook's hand.
P.S. Will you cover "Masters of War" when you come to Austin?
(Anonymous)
http://windofsuchviolence.blogdrive.com/
Lorcs x
Thanks!
!